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       At first I didn't notice anything. Although I've been kind of fierce all week:
but first: I thought it was mainly because of Jana:  who didn't talk to me until last
night: and: to tell the truth: I was pretty ashamed: and:      I was really scared of
myself: when I realized it all.
       Namely: last Saturday I got terribly drunk at home at the party: really to the
muteness: and for the first time it happened to me: that:           my memory left me
completely. (Although my body: supposedly: for seven mysterious hours:   continued to
live with its own creative life.)
       It started normally as always - with an inconspicuous drinking.   The wine was
also so normal: no vintage: but no urine too.    All eight of us cheered up properly:
our faces were reddened nicely: and: as usually: we started to have rude words      -
especially me and the men team.
       But our women also: after the third cup: joined us perfectly: so at one point:
I was a little scared: when it cleared in my brain: that: my sweet wife:    just very
faithfully imitated my love facial expression.      (And everybody: including me: are
roaring about it radiantly.)
       At that time: I probably should to stop with wine and make coffee: but nothing
warned me - I was fine. And now: I really don't know - would I really stop:  if I had
known: how it all turns out? Probably not.
       I don't even know: how much I drank:   until the black black darkness devoured
me: but shortly after that: I probably gulped two big vodkas:    and I ran out with a
bottle - that was then: when I allegedly insulted everyone disgustingly:  I also tore
off the curtain with pelmet: and:      I threw out my wife's tame budgie out of the
window: which immediately disappeared in the garden and has not yet returned.
                                                 
       It all came about because: I wanted to prove Jana: that:    the budgie shit on
her: and the first thing she will do will be to fly away.
       Especially: I can't understand this  - how anything so idiotic could have been
born in my head..
       Anyway: I really did it: according to seven adults         - and I also smiled
triumphantly during it: and when Jana began to scold me: I said:    that I will catch
such a stupid sparrow even at midnight: I picked up the bottle: and just in my shirt:
I got lost in the dark yard.
       That evening: was my narrow back in the door the last thing:     what is there
any human testimony about: because until about eight in the morning:   when I woke up
in a field lying on my stomach: I haven't met anyone apparently:    and as I said: my
memory does not serve me in this.
       I lay there face down in a lumpy plowed field:      copletely soiled from mud:
there was some cold October dew on me: and on the back of my neck:    and on my right
elbow: I had raw bloody scratches: but otherwise: I was fine.   Not to mention that I
was really historically terrified: it would be quite a nice autumn morning in nature.
       According to the strange taste in my mouth: and the empty bottle next to me: I
had a little idea: that:  my location has something to do with last night:      but I
still couldn't overcome the panic for a long time: I turned and twisted:        first
sitting:  and then: I stood up and ran around.  But I got nothing from my big head by
this: because there were only three glasses of wine:  laughter:  teeth and a plate of
punch slices.
       But after a while I calmed down middling.  To the west of me was a long:  thin
strip of trees - it occurred to me: that it could be the road and it was. When I came
closer to it: I recognized the silhouette of the hills there:   and the little chapel
also appeared: which villagers built at the time of the plague:  so at least: I found
myself: although it didn't calm me down much     - it was several kilometers from the
place: where I had the last drink yesterday.
       Fortunately: it was Sunday: and I didn't meet many people on the way home:   I
didn't have to be so ashamed: when the few thorough Christians admonished me:    with
their Sunday eyes. But even so: seriously and responsibly: I swore about thirty times
in my mind: that I will never drink again.   And even later I definitely had a lot of
good opportunities for that.
       The only thing Jana said to me: when I entered in:     was the question: Where
have you been: you idiot?? - and I would not be able to answer her:  even if I wanted
to. Rather: I expected her to tell me: but she didn't tell me anything anymore:   she
just looked at me with her furious condemning face - the worst:   what she had for me
in our nine years together: and I really thought she would slap me:   when she raised
her hand: and maybe she hesitated for a moment: but: in the end: she just picked some
black feathers out of my hair: and she lifted her chin even higher: by what:    I was
fully done: and I could spill myself: she wouldn't even wiped me.
       So I went to the neighbors:  and there Joseph explained everything to me quite
coldly: that: even Hell would be fucked: if I showed up there yesterday      - and he
really cared: so that I could understand it well.
       At one o'clock: work freed me from this terrible horror for a while.   I guard
warehouses of fruits and vegetables     - I was walking there as a shadow for sixteen
hours and really  exemplary:  I watched over all the potatoes and carrots: which were
there. I don't remember anything out of the ordinary:  only that I was pretty warm at
night: even in the morning: a T-shirt was enough.   At half past three I forcibly put
on my coat: but only out of caution.
       Starting Sunday: budgies began to appear to me everywhere. Not only at home in
the garden: but also in work: I turned my neck at any hint of a bird:       or at any
rustle: what could be a bird flight:    and even when I went by car: I braked and got
out persistently: because I was convinced:  that something yellow flashed one hundred
percent there. But every time: it was just in my big stupid head without a brain.   I
put the cage open in the yard for the first two days:   and at night I left it in the
kitchen window: I went out five hundred times to whistle: and call "Goldie"    :and I
always carried something good for beak in my pocket. I really tried to     - which my
wife also appreciated with a slightly better condemning face: but:      she obviously
didn't think about the possibility: that she would start talking to me: and: this was
really unbearable for me: she was never angry with me for more than two days.   I was
really annoyed by it.
       On Tuesday: I came to work and as usual: I closed the gates: and when the last
storekeepers left: I made coffee: and sat down on the pallets.  The old: lazy service
dog Caesar lay in front of the lodge: and the only thing: what lived on him - his two
ears were:  which monitored close surroundings satelliticly.    I sat there for maybe

ten minutes: staring at the misty horizon through the grille of the fence:  and up at
the sky: sometimes doves flew around : here and there blackbird:     and opposite me: 
round sparrows cheered together on the fence.
       They were already quite fat: nicely fatted for the winter.          Behind the
warehouses: the rotten fruit ferments nicely:     and attracts flies and all sorts of
other insects:      so in addition to sparrows: starlings and swallows are often seen
here: and also the small white-gray with long tails: and the pinkish with gray wings:  
what I don't know as they are called: and even seagulls flew a few times.
       These four sparrows: what they were shaking in front of me:   and they chirped
their cheeky free song: looked somewhat astonished: and seemed to be looking straight
at me. As long as their natural breakneckness allowed     - once one: once the other:
then the two at once: and in the end all four: turned their brown heads towards me in
their sparrow way. True: this would still be quite normal:   but one suddenly bounced
off: just moved into the air as sparrows usually do it:   and sat on the pallet about
twenty centimeters from me: right next to my white cup.
       I didn't know if I should be flattered: or should I attribute it to my overall
bad feeling about myself:        that even the simple songbirds already consider me a
passive surroundings - I wasn't even breathing.
       The sparrow danced undisturbedly beside me on his fragile legs:  which I could
barely recognize of his round: fluffy body:     and loudly chirped through the triple
echo: which was still skittering on the fence.   It was like an airy jewelry box with
four brown ballerinas - it had the fast bird rhythm: and:  if Caesar had not disperse
it: with his distinct youthful pleasure: it would certainly continue somehow.
                                            
       Then I had strange feeling for a while    - really like after some compliment:
this is how I felt: when I first sat on a large living horse:  and did with my heels:
that he moved. Me alone. But in a short time:    my quick melancholy caught me again:
and soon it all seemed to me like an idea:     which escaped my head: because even my
night dreams were full of birds.
       Also at gloomy night: when I put my left foot in front of the right: and a big
owl: literally slapped my face with its wing - it didn't upset me very much.    Maybe
because it was just such a soft: rather a caress:      and the air did not swirl much
around: so in a moment: it was all over: and then:  I was able to stagger silently in
my: for this night hour: usual half-sleep.
       It was raining all day on Wednesday: and nothing special happened:      and on
Thursday before lunch as well. At half past two I came to work again - this time they
were all gone: and we had it there: in five minutes: with Caesar:  everything locked:
and completely all to ourselves.
       The sun shone nicely orange: and the cold autumn scent of leaves  and moisture
smelled around.  Gray coquettish doves: which adore melon seeds: were a bit chased by
Caesar: before he curling up in front of the lodge   - but they were not offended for
long time:   and a moment later:  they returned from the railroad grove:   sat on the
street lamps and honked and swooshed as if nothing had happened.
       After that I got a text message and I got lost in my phone. Although I went on
- the world around me has disappeared: because I focused on the words: to be correct:
to be not many of them: and (God knows why) to make them fun. (Probably because since
elementary school:  I often have a strong need to do a clown.)  And then - when I hid
my sweaty mobile in my pocket: and I looked around: it seemed to me: that: I am seven
years old and standing in the square.
       There were at least twenty doves around me. They walked next to:     they were
picking something from the sidewalk and they only resisted a little: when I leaned to
            
them. They were snow-white  and brown-spotted  and with long necks and proud chests -
probably some decorative pigeons: and about fourteen of those gray wild:  which I saw
only fly away from a distance: up to now.. :I raked into my pocket for the grain: and
stretched out my open palm: because I was really curious:   if they will also to peck
from my hand. And they pecked. This time I had to admit: something was going on.
       Then: during the whole remaining Thursday shift: I did antics outside. As long
as those poor birds endured it: I tried to tame them even more: to catch in my hands:
and finally: I threw them high into the air: to let them fly.           I saw this in
the movie: and it was a really divine feeling.    But they probably didn't like it as
much as I did: because: for the third time: they all rose: and in a few seconds: they
were gone. I was really scared - they were angry with me:  but: it was shortly before
dark and maybe they were just going somewhere to sleep.
       The night owl did not come: and bats probably have their hibernation at such a
time in the fall: so I didn't do any more circuses until morning. Around five o'clock
I was almost knock down by fatigue: because:     I haven't stopped for a minute until
then - I was thinking: what it could be: and especially I planned:     how can I tell
Jana all this: so that she doesn't immediately think: that I'm mad.    And this was a
big problem: and nothing wise occurred to me: even at home:  when I was lying in bed:
I still didn't meet with anything good:: especially: because of the silence:    which
she still kept against me.
       But everything was solved by my unusually long time sleeping:        until the
evening - I woke up late in the evening to the herbal scent of tea: which was laid on
the bedside table. I immediately imagined Jana's hand: which touches my poor forehead
in my sleep and it was: on the one hand a very pleasant idea: and also:        it was
probably true: because when Jana heard: that I'm moving:  she appeared in the doorway
with a thermometer and some pills.
       To my: hello Honey: she didn't answer:  but she didn't look condemning at all:
she looked more like: she was afraid for me: and that's why I was already silent  - I
didn't say: that: I'm absolutely great: and I played sick one:      to make her worry
about me even more
       But: when she measured me 41 degrees of fever: I was really sweaty right away:
and: we were worried about me together for a while.      Fortunately: she immediately
convinced herself: that: the thermometer must be broken:         and went looking for
another: but we didn't have another at home: because:     I had stepped on it a month
ago.
       She turned over the kitchen first and then the drawers in the bedroom:  but of
course: she didn't find anything: so she started raging a little: therefore:     in a
very calm voice: I began to convince her: that: everything is fine    - I only have a
little fever: and: I feel completely fit: but:   for sure I will stay in bed at least
until Sunday.
       And after that: and: after seven terrible days of silence:         she finally
reprieved me with sweet question: are you sure? :to which I replied:      one hundred
percent! Not to be my big boy ego: I would really cry. Instead:          I just smile
gratefully: I closed my eyes:     and didn't wake up until this morning to a gigantic
hunger.
       The bedroom window was open: and after breakfast: I looked out of bed straight
into the garden at the trees.
       Jana was probably out there somewhere: and:    I sat in the kitchen for a long
time: drinking summer tea straight from the pot. I kept fidgeting:  and sliding in my
duvet: but:              I was firmly determined not to spoil my yesterday's onset to
reconciliation: and: to stay there until lunch: nicely covered:    despite the hell I
was experiencing: because: I was really honestly healthy.
       That strange wet rattling surprised me from the back: I was just punching into
the pillow: and I turned really fast. As lightning.
                                              
       A very lively magpie male sat on the windowsill and he was mightily interested
in my bedside table: on which was a cup: and a small saucer with a metal spoon. There
could be no doubt about it: it was completely screaming from him:     he twisted like
hypnotized. I slowly uncovered myself: took a spoon: and not sharply: but more nimbly
than by step: I went to the window:  I put the glittering thing in front of his beak:
and with my other hand: I gently pressed him against the windowsill.
      He was warm and his black feathers shimmered in sun bluishly:   and when I took
his wing in my hand and spread the perfect white feathers in the end of it:   he took
the spoon in his beak - making it clear to me - that "ok" -   but: such exercises are
no longer for free. :At that moment: I had a clear feeling:   that we understand each
other well: that we see mutually into our prying collector's souls..
      Apparently it was me: of us two birds: what first realized:    that: we were no
longer alone in the bedroom:   and someone behind us stopped breathing:     and: if I
didn't get nervous: the magpie would certainly not slip out: and would not fly out at
the nut trees:  where he immediately disappeared also with the spoon.    And: if that
didn't happen: maybe: I wouldn't have such trouble answering Jana for her next simple
question: what the hell am I doing again. But it happened: and: my short babble: what
I was making by mouth: always after a long long silence:       only more exponentiate
not understanding expression on her face: and therefore: I took her hand:   and said:
please! :come with me: I will show you.
      Because in the garden: and on the street: except for sparrows:     and some too
small tits: no others birds were -    I put Jana in the car and we got running on the
surrounding roads: out into the country - I wanted to find something bigger:   make a
little impression.
      She sat next to me: silently: with her nice hands on knees:       and wondered:
whether the moment had come: to explode: and stop all this madness of mine:  once and
for all: and: the explosion was already very very close:    when I finally noticed in
the field: what I was looking for.
      I stopped carefully at the curb and told her: that she doesn't have to get out:
but have to definitely look at me: and if she decides to get out:   will have to stay
by the car. I looked really pretty crazy during it: and after it: I kissed her: so as
not to be afraid at all:    what was the last drop probably:     and she just inhaled
significantly: when I turned: and quickly stepped outside.
      I was first looking for some couple of pigeons: or two or three magpies:    and
now: I was a little scared:   if this black community:    will not behave naturally -
hence: they will show me: just from a distance: theirs peaceful bird's flight.    But
then I took that step: after which: I already knew for sure:  that:  the threshold of
crow flock is behind me definitely:   and I was experiencing it again:   like a sweet
refined flattery from someone: who never flatter.
      Simply: I was there: between the wild free crows:      and I had goosebumps all
over my body.
      I knew from pigeons: that I could venture a lot: but not too much: therefore: I
was not very hurried: and even though: they were really calm:  like some black pointy
hens: I was walking around for a long time: and watching: what they were doing.
      It seemed to me: that although they are all together here: even so:     each of
them is alone: or at most with one more: because they were widely scattered:      and
every moment somewhere a little further.     I walked slowly through the middle: and:    
twice around the perimeter.  Jana was already outside: and her hair was tossed by the
wind yellowly.
      I saw myself completely with her big eyes: as a powerful shaman      - The one:
before whom: the crows don't fly away: and from that her look:      I gathered enough
courage: to crouch and take one in my hands.
      Although she was bigger than pie: I felt she was a little lighter:   and seemed
to have more feathers. I turned her around: and: she opened her strong beak:      and
cawed something by her ancient crow language:       which has always aroused fear and
respect in people: and: all sorts of thoughts of death and other world.   But for me:
it used to look like a crafty laugh:  and: I noticed something like that: in her deep
black eye too - and that's why I straddled a little:   and between my legs:   I threw
her: by a big noble arc: straight ahead into the cold October sky.
      And then one more.
      I knew: that they would definitely fly away now: but I couldn't help myself:  I
had to do it a third and fourth time: but it seemed: it was a little different:  than
with doves. Because: the crows did not start waving their wings immediately:  instead
of that: they only spread them - exactly at the moment: when they stopped rising: and
                                       
with two or three arches: they sat softly on the ground.  And most importantly:  they
weren't preparing to any departure: on the contrary:  as if they began to approach me
cautiously: and many cawed towards me with their cheeky voices.
      I admit: it took me a while: to understand it all: because:      I was a little
scared at the beginning: I was befooled by a bad crow's reputation: and:     I really
started thinking about going back to the car.     But in the end I obeyed to my part:
which was talking: that those black beasts just want to play with me:    and that was
good: because: each one then went pretty high straight into the sky: and some of them
more than once: since I really got warm there:    and I was throwing them with all my
might.
     It must have looked divine   - a guy was throwing crows like paper planes there:
and occasionally looked happily at the woman: what she was hugging self with her long
hands aloof.
     But the last crow: which he caught:   did not fly      - went back to that messy
blonde with him:    and even from a distance:    it was seen: that:   she smiles most
beautifully.