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       It's actually too unbelievable (what happened in my life)  only from the outside:
inside it: when I live it: it all fits together strangely    - all the decisions I made:
the situations I found myself in      - I can't even imagine how it could be otherwise -
every possible alternative scenario is either laughable nonsense:    dismal tragedy or a
terrifying disaster. 
       Of course: the Doctor's mind is very present everywhere  - his plans: his "nudges
to evolution" of which I became a part: his genius criminal courage  - but in between: I
grow very bushily: my dreams: my desires:  my fears  - my motivations.
      If I was manipulated: I don't feel cheated - I'm where I'm supposed to be.
      The last time I was at the academy: Doctor told me:    that until Rosana appeared:
every morning he had to defeat the idea of giving up - "I said to myself   - how can you
be so naive for so many years. We will soon kill this planet one way or another.   It is
necessary.  Open a bottle of wine - start traveling - enjoy life: while you have time. I
remember: how that friendly disarming fear mixed with relief filled me for a while.. you
certainly know it Peter: that powerful force: which keeps ordinary people in line - each
of us had to break free from its embrace..     Sure: then I always imagined it - how I'm
dragging my suitcases behind me and lying on the beach..       and that seemed even more
pointless to me - in fact it would be complete fucking torture    - so I quickly started
working again."
      Yes: he was right: it was very similar to what I was experiencing:   and I believe
him: even though: those were suspiciously just the right words for me at that moment.
      As a result  of the dramatic events  surrounding  the  supernova  explosion  of IK
Pegasi - a small rogue planet the size of Mars with water and an atmosphere made its way
to the edge of Alpha Centauri   - and thus offered us a decisive opportunity not to give
up.