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Today is 23.04.2011 and the truth is: I can't steal anything: since I was eight years old - when
my grandmother: and the subsequent shame - taught me.
It was Easter: as it is now: in fact: it was shortly after - and I had a nice pile of money. I
was lucky that year: all the "abused" women were generous: and in addition to half a kilo of chocolate:
and a slightly theatrical squeal - for my shy whipping (it was really embarrassing for me - I really
only did it for the money) they paid nearly three hundred crowns: I even received one dark green
hundred crown: and that was the stumbling block: because I got used to money in an instant: like Johny:
when he started selling cigarettes in the parking lot in 1958
I saw - how grandma always opens the cupboard in the morning: and he turns over green pieces of
paper like this: so I moved my chair closer: and peeked under the wrapping paper: what was there under
the shirts: I wanted one more: let me have at least two - last time there must have been at least seven
of them: no one will miss one... But: there was no one hundred crowns: only three five hundred crowns.
During one long and deep breath: I was considering this whole new situation anxiously: and in
every detail - and finally I decided: that great!: I'll take such a pink one - we're going on a school
trip tomorrow: I'll be able to buy some bandit hatchet. And then: with happy satisfied smile: I wrapped
all my belongings into a paper square: and subsequently: in a plastic bag with raincoat.
In the morning: I was awakened by a worried rustle.
I immediately recognized: at the closet: a woman's silhouette balancing on her toes: with her
hands deep in the closet: and most inconspicuously: I started crawling out of bed right away. I guess
I wanted to flush the dirty money in shithouse: or bury it in the garden: I don't know exactly: it
doesn't matter: because: it was: from the very beginning: doomed to failure - whereas Grandma enjoyed a
highly sensitive sixth sense: which her has honed with many years of marriage: and triple motherhood
as well.
I lost all my money that day: and I had to kneel in the corner disgracefully - this happened
only once then: when the stumbling block was the pebble: by which I scratched my uncles chocolate
Moskvich: and I definitely learned. To this day - it is embarrassing for me: it is simply awkward for
me: even though I see: when others are stealing - I have been damaged like this: nothing can be done
about it. Indeed: I sometimes reproach it to my upbringing - it's unfair: because stealing is nice: the
rip-off is everywhere: even the nature has created the most beautiful and fastest bird: The Magnificent
Frigatebird: just because: in order to rob of fish: also very fast: but: much less noble: the gannets.
* Easter folk custom in Slovakia: during which: the men are pouring water: or perfume on women
and at the same time - the men are allowed to whisk their legs (possibly ass) with a wicker whip - the
lady in question will be pretty all year long: and the men get a food: alcohol or money: as a reward
for it.