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       I am a very insolent and: in addition to that:
even a petulant amateur  - I don't respect anything -
I do everything my way:      if I want to: so moved I
agree with academic practices:   I nod from the whole
neck - God, yes! Of course!    It can't be otherwise!
: But imediatelly: as I should to admit:      that: I
don't do this so well:  I shrug and disappear by wide
ironic arc. Then I continue to commit sin:  I conceal
the insult anger in me and:    seemingly involuntary:
leaking targeted sarcasm.
       From lack of education  and contact with other
insolent amateurs - I've been doing graphite smearing
for a long time: I soiled the pencil with my fingers:
paper sticks and with handkerchief: because:       it
seemed original and beautiful to me     (I still love
those pictures) and also because            that it's
incomparably easier: than drawing with lines        -
without the possibility of repair it:    with another
layer: or: cowardly erase it*.      But this I would:
never admit: not even for the living world.
       Occasional criticism: references to shoddy and
dilettantism: not only did they seem to me: like poor
grindery: but also they ignited in me the fire:  "and
that's why: yes!" :so I felt like Che Guevara       -
the father of the great blurred revolution.
       Despite all the slavish copying of models - to
which this way of working actually leads      (you're
correcting until: it resembles enough:  and then it's
too descriptive usually) despite the fact: that:  now
I would never do it like this again ↫    despite the
shoddy: which: here and there smells sweet    - these
are all my children: we were happy together     and I
love them: I guess some of them will stand.
        Who knows: what terrible crimes  I committed:
when I composed the songs:           what harmonies I
disturbed: what tones I succumbed to:          a bead
illiterate - just out of sheer amateur audacity:  and
theatrical desire: to sing:


        *Now,       after imaginary consultation with
Professor Hološka:        I don't consider this to be
cowardly: it's just another discipline:     painting:
searching:


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