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       Then I stopped perceiving the screen. I was completely overwhelmed by excitement: or
rather nervousness  - I was simply not sure: because there was still the possibility:  that 
he doesn't realize it.
       But my body had no doubts  - it felt clearly:  that something intimate was happening
and behaved accordingly: It warmed, arched my chest, got my blood pumping: and roused in me
some instinctive anticipation that quickly turned all my attention to the right.
       I know: that one must be very careful:  as far as the body is concerned:   and about
its guaranteed feelings - my classmate once trained me in this direction: her name was Anna
and it very bit me on my cheek.
       That's why I didn't even move and tried not to listen. But to put my foot away:  and
thus end the whole thing: I also couldn't.
       Probably because: it flattered me - her interest  - and I didn't mean to offend her:
I don't know: maybe I was just reluctant to throw away chance for a little adventure.
       Anyway: there must have been something in the darkness between us        - with each
passing second I was more convinced of it.


       People don't behave like this  - they pull away:  dodge:  they get an electric shock
and recoil.
       She did't.
       I could clearly feel her moving her toes - she closed them and opened them again and
since we were both there with someone it was even more intense.
       II perceived her blurred: her legs a little apart: hand with pale fingers  and small
shiny watch - time was running.
       Maya took a deeper breath next to me at times:   Nicolas Cage's sad face disappeared
smoothly from the shot: and my curiosity suddenly boiled over - I realized: that I was just
waiting for an opportunity: or let's say a sign - and when Maja laughed out loud:  and in a
moment the others in the theater:  I suppressed my usual urge:  to look at her:  and watch:
how she makes that laugh.
       Instead of that: I turned to the right:  and made sure: that I have no idea: who the
shaggy brunette is.


       She could be about twenty years old: she was shaggy deliberately and refinedly - her
friend was just whispering something to her: and I knew: that she realized my gaze: because
she froze for a second.
       But even then - she did nothing with our dark connection.

                                                               

       We arrived late: quickly sat down in the first two free seats next to each other and
tried vehemently to grasp the plot.
       Originally, we wanted to go to a cafe or a pub for rum tea: but everywhere was full:
or the air was disgusting and it was bitterly cold outside.
       At the bus stop there was an advertisement for a retro film festival  and Maja said:
let's go to the cinema.   It sounded like she was making a gross joke about bears:  but she
meant it: because she said it out loud.
       Because she knows very well:  that the language she speaks sounds strange at best  -
and she knows it even though she can't hear herself.
       Yes: she is deaf.
       And the fact:  that I took her on a date is no charity:  I've known her for almost a
year - since we met at work - and we really got closer one evening about two months ago: we
just both suddenly wanted to go somewhere together.


       Nikolas Cage took a breath:  and began to say something:   it was obvious:  he cared
about it: but I didn't understand him at all.
       The friend of my fluffy stranger stood up  - I joined my legs and put them aside: so
he can pass.
       Then it was interrupted: and whereas some fright: or what remained in me:  and I had
no desire to take any more risks: I let it go.
       Later I realized: that:  in the moment:  when I turned in their direction:   the guy
wasn't looking at her.      With his round wet eye:   which protruded from behind her white
profile: he was watching me.
       For hundred percent: he was encouraging her.  Who knows: what would happen next:  if
I realized it right away  - we could have fun together   - but on the other hand: they were
probably interested in both of us: and this wouldn't work..   
       All I know about Maya's sex life is: that she has a nice ass and two small tits.







       I took her home after the movie:  she didn't call me upstairs: it was too late:  and
I didn't even want to go to that quiet apartment.  I was kind of mixed and tired:    and at
night I dreamed wildly from it twice.
       As usual  - circumstances was evolving towards the intercourse   - I was looking for
some women: and when I found one: it was Anna: my former goddess:   I took her to the park:
I attacked:  and I was really busy:   when she changed into Maya:  who had:  god knows why:
scribbled hands up to the elbow: and everything was irrevocably fucked up.
 

       By the way: my brain always does this to me - it will never indulge me.
       When I consider:  what unlimited possibilities does it have:  how much it remembers: 
what it hides inside: and what stupid ragbags it makes of it: so I want to scream.
       Often I can't even recall the face of a person from my past:    but inside of its 3D
cinema is perfect projection   - in the original package -   and when it is in a good mood:
everything takes place in rooms and streets: that have not existed for many years.
       The fucking phenomenon.
       But it never lets me finish things.


       The whole next day - I was in love with Anna again   - if I met her somewhere on the
street: or in store:    just like the last time:    I would probably try to pack her again:
maybe I'd attack her right somewhere behind the shelves.
       Hard to say: what would really happen:  because  if I dream of a particular woman: I
always long for her in the morning:   and I really don't know:    if it only happens to me:
because the answers of my acquaintances are unconvincing. They nod and smile: but I suspect
them: that they really don't feel anything like that.
       It's like a hunger in me: I won't lie - mainly physical  - and precisely oriented to
one person.
       Several times:    I dreamed about a beautiful singer:   and I always bought a lot of
popular music afterwards. And to be honest: two or three times: I've larked with man too.
       In the morning: it was to my great dismay:  just as always   - and I honestly wanted
husband of my friend.
       Omitting this last alternative:   in my opinion:  it would have to be most divine to
have long sex with a woman:  with whom:  I had dreamed the night before.   But this has not
happened to me yet:  and when I think about it: it's probably somehow out of the question -
in my sleep I am visited particularly by women: who are out of reach for me.

                                     

       I didn't come across Anna all day:  although  I bought vegetables for  a really long
time: and I walked around the block twice: where she lives.  Truth:  she's already married:
and would definitely cool me off in a flash: as soon as I opened my mouth: my night-current
engine wouldn't help me either.

       I didn't really want to go to work in the evening:   coffee didn't work:  I couldn't
start my body at all:  in the end: I nudged myself out: and there:  the cold breeze woke me
up.
       At school: I met Maya on the stairs: as usual  - she cleans the locker room: and the
ground floor: and I: the first floor and cabinets.   Together with the janitor's wife:  and
one of her cousins Marta: we're the blitz cleaning squad there.
       Maya smiled at me: waved to me and walked away briskly.    She was just disappearing
around the corner:   when I noticed her solid thigh underneath sweatpants:  strange:   how
innocently the mess always starts.
 

       She didn't want to go anywhere after work:  she had a red nose and coughed:  the flu
season was still hunting around: so I didn't insist.
       Actually: thanks to the flu: we started meet also outside the corridors:  classrooms
and stairs.
       We still fly there like two mop dragons - smiles:  her wave and my hello.     Sweet:
quiet and polite girl. If I didn't know it  (people always like to tell you such things)  I
think: I would have been properly surprised: that day when I heard her voice for the first
time.     
       Well: even more so: because my eyes rolled a little too:  when she gave me that loud
gabble from behind.
       I just wiped the wall bars off the dust:  because our supreme ruler Joseph asked us:
whether we could clean up the gym  - young janitor lady and even fat Marta: were supposedly
completely finished (every single hair on their heads burned them from the fever).


       I turned around like I'd been shot in the ass and froze:  I didn't understand - Maya
repeated it laboriously:  I saw: that it spoils her mood: but for one moment more: I had to
catch those words out of her mouth.
       Oh: I said and I was really pleased  - I understood: that she found something in the: 
girls' toilets. I took a white plastic bag from her hands: grabbed it by the ear and let it
down - inside was a thin plastic snake with really strong-smelling weed.
       Like in the movie.
       During the war I smoked a few funny cigarettes    - it definitely looked like a nice
foggy party is comming:   I didn't even think of another option: but I was a little scared:
whether Maya will misinterpret it.
       Where do we go? - I asked   - and she could feel from my tone:  that I don't mean it
really seriously - hence if she could.
       Have you ever smoked it? - I carefully modeled every single word with my lips: and I
watched her face.
       She still looked like a kind flight attendant: I didn't take her out of the smile at
all: rather she: then shocked me: when: after my two failed attempts to roll the joint: she
took the papers and showed me the complete assembly with perfect thumbs work  - with a long
not too wet tongue and a hard round cigarette at the end.
       Adorable one.

             

       We sat in the corner of the playground:  behind the bushes:   next to the basketball
hoop. It was cold: but it didn't blow: and the smoke was served.
       The best smoking is in the fall:    maybe  it somehow corresponds  with the browning
leaves: or it's just fine have your own fire on hand.
       It's really hard not to smoke in the fall: especially if you remember: how divine it
was at seventeen: in a shirt:  and in your denim jacket   - light up   - and to go take the
world that was there for you..
       .. And that's how I babbled:  after the third pull.  Usually I just meditate of such
serious things  (we came across an extra strong ganja).

       
       There was not much light there: I doubt: that Maja understood some of it: but when I
said -  it's a pity:  that it's such a idiotic vice  - and I let out a little air out of my
nose: by which I wanted to indicate instead of a dot:  what an irony it is   - she began to
laugh out loud.
       Extremely feminine and truly beautifully.
       There was no trace of the bear's speech in it.
       And that was another shock to me.
       I watched: as it came straight out of her throat - lovely - inside with silver chime
and with some wacky flutes - a hell of a contagious sound. 
       In a moment: it started to shake with me too: it began to flow from my eyes and nose
- I was banging my knees and clutching my stomach  - and so - we went through all the great
stages of a crazy horselaugh together.